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Ezzie Brown

Esmeralda Rosalind Brown hates her full name for its pretense of regality, but this is her official bio and I am her brother, so that’s what she gets! She was born on October 1st sixteen years ago and I’ve known her ever since. She’s not too fond of school -- I mean, who isn’t? -- so my parents tried to put her in boarding school for the first two years of high school, but it was too much, being hippie and foodie and no closer to Hogwarts. We love her but it’s not her priority for happiness at this moment -- I’m not sure what is and neither is she, so she’s pretty down. And by pretty down, I mean far too clinically down. But maybe public school is treating her better? I should check in more often. She likes writing poetry and runs cross country because it’s the least competitive sport. She’s full of sass and cracks as many jokes as she does depressing sentiments. I know she’ll figure things out soon, but until then -- she’s still Ezzie.

 

With absolute affection,

Nathaniel

 

Spotify caters to the cries of babies and the agony of adults in Rockabye Baby!

  • By PHILLIP BROWN
  • Feb 8, 2016
  • 1 min read

Sporting every popular band from Nickelback to Blink 182, Rockabye Baby! is now available on Spotify for the listening pleasure of parents and children.

The label was started in 2006 under the CMH Label Group. A group of music lovers and child rearers based out of Los Angeles founded the label in an attempt to put a new spin on the old lullaby. Based on the many awards they have received since their inception ten years ago, they have been highly successful. The cheerful and simple tones of these pop song renditions are as serene to the baby as they are hysterical to the parent, as pure as they are indecorous.

Yet one local parent commented, “Why sugarcoat it? No baby’s gonna know the difference between fuck and fruit if it can’t even say, “mama” yet.” True, but the series is geared towards young children as well as infants. The harsh tones and strong beats of the rock and hip hop styles have been mellowed out into songs that could be classified as lullabies by any drowsy child.

Minor tones are leant a gentle timbre in the tribute to Aerosmith’s Dream On. An instrument that sounds like a xylophone sifts the gunpowder in the tribute to the Queen’s Killer Queen into fairy dust. In Rockabye Baby!’s tribute to her song, Blank Space, Taylor Swift hasn’t been this innocent since she was a baby herself. Who would have thought that the melody to the lyrics “Get down, girl” in Kanye West’s Gold Digger could help put a baby down to sleep?

Really, in these days of technology and easy access to music, anything is possible.


 
 
 

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